(Expletive) Your Comfort Zone

We are creatures of habit.

We tend towards the familiar, the safe, the comfortable. That is an adaptive trait. In the wild, safe and familiar situations meant survival. Only now, instead of keeping us alive, comfort zones are preventing us from living.

I hate change. I despise it. I love my little bubble and the select few people I’ve allowed into it. But recently, change has been eminent, and I’ve tried desperately to fight it.

A boy I’d forever seen a future with and I recently discussed that we might not have one. A person I spent a year of my life trying to be close with disappeared. My best friend got a boyfriend, and I lost my wing-woman. I felt alone. All these familiar aspects of my life were changing. My instincts told me to stay in, stay quiet, and stay familiar.

I told my instincts to screw off.

Every time someone asked me out, I said yes. I picked up a flyer for a new sorority on campus, and joined it. I filled out an application to study abroad. I became somewhat of a yes-woman….except when my boss asked me to try our new “Cheesy Creamed Spinach,” because I do NOT mess with that stuff. I know how it’s made. Blech.

Anyways. As someone who has always dwelled more than comfortably in my comfort zone, it is both terrifying and exhilarating to be leaving it. To be trying things I’ve never tried before, and meeting people I would have never thought to speak to.

I cannot give you results of my ventures, as I am still in the throes of them. But I can tell you that, thus far, denying my instincts has been pretty wild, and I can’t wait to see what happens next.

 

PS: Don’t fear rejection. But more on that later.

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#RelationshipGoals: Because Why Not Put a Monetary Value on Love?

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Imagine this: you log on to Twitter. You scroll through your news feed and WAIT. STOP. Tammy’s boyfriend bought her the new Naked Palette.

And a Costco teddy bear?!?!

You turn to your own worthless, thieving boyfriend beside you. All he’s ever done is tell your you’re beautiful everyday and wipe every tear you’ve cried. Jackass.

“Get out,” you yell as you push him off the bed.

He seems confused, and in a chaos of “Babe, I don’t understand”s and “what did I do wrong?!”s, that asshat finally leaves.

Good riddance.

Did he not think your love was worth a Naked Palette? Or at least 100 roses delivered to your office. Jeez. Gifts should be an every day part of a relationship, and if a guy isn’t giving you that, then he just isn’t worth it. Move on, girl!

Besides, if I don’t snap, tweet, and Facebook-offical my relationship, how will people ever know how happy and adorable we are and be jealous?!

Aaaaaand stop. I’m sorry. I couldn’t even write the satire anymore. I was going to throw up.

Now let me start with a disclaimer, because apparently I need to do this now, *clears throat*

THIS POST DOES NOT APPLY TO ALL PEOPLE WHOSE BOYFRIENDS BUY THEM GIFTS OR WHO POST THEM ON TWITTER OR WHO BREATH OR EXIST IN GENERAL.

There we go. Now.

In an age of social media, I feel like we’ve lost sight of what #RelationshipGoals should actually be.

And, since I apparently need to clarify this as well: I, TOO, HAVE AT TIMES BEEN IMPERFECT AND TRIED TO IMPRESS PEOPLE WITH THE ADORABLENESS OF MY RELATIONSHIP, as if my imperfectness was not already implied.

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So while it is completely fine for your boyfriend or significant other to buy you gifts, and while it is alright (if not immensely cliché) to post this on social media so that other girls can be jealous and so that guy you used to hookup with but still aren’t really over can see how well your guy treats you (don’t lie, I see you), let’s keep in mind some REAL relationship goals that seem to have gotten lost behind the “wear me @ 6 tonight”s and new-contouring-kit-madness.

#RelationshipGoal he respects you. Duh.

#RelationshipGoal he isn’t afraid to say no to you–because although you may be his “princess,” you are not his ruler. You are his partner.

#RelationshipGoal he thinks you’re beautiful with or without all the expensive makeup he may or may not buy you, and reminds you of that.  Even when he sees you down six tacos or an entire bag of SkinnyPop.

#RelationshipGoal he’d be a good father (if you see it being long-term).

#RelationshipGoal he has seen your flaws, accepts them, and knows how to cope with them, not coddle them (enabling isn’t good for anybody).

#RelationshipGoal he’s intellectually stimulating–because when he’s old and flabby, and so are you, all you’ll have are each other’s minds. So make sure you like that shit.

#RelationshipGoal he makes you the best version of yourself. Because anyone who makes you a worse version of yourself, though fun to party with and probably good in bed, is not someone you want for the long haul, although feel free to live a little and take that short-term.

Another disclaimer: I’m not a relationship expert, obviously. I’ve been in love with the same guy since I was 15, and still can’t seem to get it together enough to be a girl he deserves (sup, Superman), BUT he’s taught me how a girl deserves to be treated and given me more than a few reality checks. SO REMEMBER:

Money can always be made, abs can always be sculpted, jobs and futures can always be changed, but a man who will love you, be loyal to you, and adore you is born, not made. And THAT should be your real #RelationshipGoal.

(*read this in the fast voice that happens at the end of prescription drug commercials* A boy giving you gifts does not lessen the seriousness or intensity of your relationship. The message the author is trying to convey is that your relationship should be about love and respect and not about buying/doing/being things that will look good on social media. If this article somehow -impossibly- offended you, you may comment because this is America and we are free and shit, but, like, seriously?)

Unpopular Opinion: Dear White People from Another White Person

There’s a lot of political unrest right now, so let’s get some things straight.

I am not proud to be an American right now. While I do not agree with what this country was built on (stealing land from natives, murder, and rape), I agree in the motto and belief it was built on: the American dream. An idea that everyone deserved freedom. Everyone deserves to be happy. Everyone who works for success deserves it.

So someone, please, explain to me, why in 2015 Starbucks changing the color of their holiday cup causes more outrage than African American students being assaulted because of the color of their skin.

Here’s some stuff other people won’t say, but I will because I don’t care if I tick you off:

  • You are not better than anyone because you are white. Period. And if you think you are, go fork yourself.
  • You have no place to say who belongs in America and who doesn’t. If you want to get technical, unless you are 100% Native American, some part of your ancestry is an immigrant. Some part of YOU is the intruder. America did not start out a white country. We stole it from “minorities.” Remember that.
  • It’s fine to have an opinion. But when your opinion starts infringing on other people’s happiness and freedoms, your opinion is wrong.
    • But Rachel, being a racist jerk IS my opinion. Hating gay people IS my opinion. Cool, that’s fine. But when you act on it and endanger other people and take away their rights, you’re wrong. You are completely entitled to be a crappy human, but don’t take the rest of us down with you.
  • Your hashtags help no one. Jumping on the latest social media bandwagon of statuses or tweets or whatever doesn’t do jack. You want to show black people you stand with them? Go stand with them. In public. In the eyes of people who will judge you. In the shoes and next to the people who are actually fearing for their lives. Not behind your computer with a keyboard. You help no one.
  • Most likely, you’re a hypocrite. You cannot say “f**k the police” and then call them when someone is breaking into your house. You cannot abuse the n-word and tell racist jokes, and then #standinsolidarity. You cannot claim to want to deport a nationality because they are “rapists” or “lazy” and not deport all the white people who are “rapists” and “lazy” too. You cannot.
  • Stop turning years of other races’ hardships and struggles into YOUR drama. Stand with them. Cry with them. Support them. But this is NOT about you. This is about THEM and about US as a nation. Which brings me to this….

We are a society that is destroying itself. We are attacking our own people. We are creating civil war. People are more concerned with looking like they are a part of something than actually being a part of something. We would rather solve problems for citizens over seas than citizens in our own backyard. You can preach being a “proud American” until you’re blue in the face. But if you lack the capacity to even be a decent human being to your fellow Americans? You’re the outsider. You might be a proud American, but America is not proud of you.