I shall spin you a yarn. A yarn that will be a metaphor as transparent as too small yoga pants, but a yarn nonetheless.

Once upon a time, in a land far far away that references no one in particular was a group of princesses. They all varied in looks and personality, but they all had redeeming and lovely qualities. Some princesses had more wealth in beauty, others in heart, but all possessed valor.

As the kingdom grew, more princesses came in order to help rule over the land and keep the peace. Having many princesses delighted the people, and different princesses appealed to different townsfolk.

Quite recently, a new princess had come to the land. She was plain in looks,  heavy in stature, and overall not that special. But still, many townsfolk who had not yet connected with one of the already ruling princesses adored her. The other princesses, already so high in power, paid little attention to her, content with their own followers.

Alas, the Great Migration came, and new townsfolk flocked from far and wide to the kingdom. All the princesses beamed with joy as they anticipated the lives of the new townsfolk they would touch.

Each princess received dozens upon dozens of new supporters who loved their ideals, their beauty, and their spirits. The new princess did not expect many followers, but was excited all the same. She worked immensely hard to prepare her speeches and platforms to appeal to the new townsfolk.

But then, something odd happened. A fair number of the townsfolk did begin to enjoy the new princess. For what purpose, she was not sure, but she found herself with more followers than she had ever anticipated. She glowed with pride, thrilled to have the chance to share her ideas with these new people.

But some of the other princesses grew petty. Though they had gleaned far more followers, and though this new princess had never mattered before, they suddenly found themselves plotting her downfall. They whispered in the ear of the townsfolk horrible rumours about the new princess’s harsh regime and unfair laws. They spoke of her simple looks and empty mind.

Many of the townsfolk listened, and ran away from the new princess. Despite having loved her speeches and ideals, they feared there was truth in the lies they’d heard.

And while the old princesses laughed at their success thinking, in fact, they’d won, the truth was the whole thing was really. Fucking. Dumb.

The End


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