(Expletive) Your Comfort Zone

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We are creatures of habit.

We tend towards the familiar, the safe, the comfortable. That is an adaptive trait. In the wild, safe and familiar situations meant survival. Only now, instead of keeping us alive, comfort zones are preventing us from living.

I hate change. I despise it. I love my little bubble and the select few people I’ve allowed into it. But recently, change has been eminent, and I’ve tried desperately to fight it.

A boy I’d forever seen a future with and I recently discussed that we might not have one. A person I spent a year of my life trying to be close with disappeared. My best friend got a boyfriend, and I lost my wing-woman. I felt alone. All these familiar aspects of my life were changing. My instincts told me to stay in, stay quiet, and stay familiar.

I told my instincts to screw off.

Every time someone asked me out, I said yes. I picked up a flyer for a new sorority on campus, and joined it. I filled out an application to study abroad. I became somewhat of a yes-woman….except when my boss asked me to try our new “Cheesy Creamed Spinach,” because I do NOT mess with that stuff. I know how it’s made. Blech.

Anyways. As someone who has always dwelled more than comfortably in my comfort zone, it is both terrifying and exhilarating to be leaving it. To be trying things I’ve never tried before, and meeting people I would have never thought to speak to.

I cannot give you results of my ventures, as I am still in the throes of them. But I can tell you that, thus far, denying my instincts has been pretty wild, and I can’t wait to see what happens next.

 

PS: Don’t fear rejection. But more on that later.

It’s Okay To Be a Loser

I was the ugliest little fourth grader. A creepy one, too. I was awkwardly skinny and gangly, braces, unibrow, the whole deal. In fact, I was so awkward and weird, that I would sit and read books at recess because none of the other kids wanted to play with me. But this isn’t a sob story. I didn’t mind. I loved my books, the words, the character development. I was a  total dork, inside and out.

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Somewhere around the beginning of fifth grade, one of the “popular” girls saw potential in my puberty, and took me into her posse. I grew out of my dorky stage physically (although my boobs never did, still waiting), and was an okay looking human being. I got along with a few of the girls, but when the ring leader left and went off to a different school, I was stuck.

Stuck with this group of people I looked like, but didn’t act like.

In high school, it was the same story. I attempted to be one of the popular kids, but I just never really fit. I was walking and talking like a swan, but I was still a duck or, rather, a dork.

But it had been instilled in my mind: girls who look a certain way are supposed to act a certain way. If you fit society’s perception of “attractive,” then there is an accompanying personality type that goes with it. And I cannot speak on the societal pressures of boys, but I’m sure it might be similar.

It continued into high school, and I tried it. I tried to be cool again. I rushed sororities my first quarter as a freshman and dropped out because it was evident once again, it just wasn’t for me. I just wasn’t a cool kid.

It’s taken me this long to realize that it’s alright. Those genetically and confidently blessed will always be the cool kids, but the world needs dorks, too. The world needs cheerleaders, but it also needs geeks. It needs bombshell blondes, but it also needs nerds hiding behind their glasses spewing out random facts.

I guess what I’m trying to say is, looks don’t matter. You are who you are. You can look like Barbie and be a total bitch, or you can look like Chewbacca and be the coolest kid on the block. Your future spouse, kids, boss, etc. aren’t going to care if you were a big deal in high school or college. In fact, most people worth having in your life won’t. Don’t be afraid to let your freak flag fly. Don’t be afraid to be a dork.

After all, they write more books and make more movies about kids like us, anyways.

DISCLAIMER: This post does not attack the cool kids, it gives an ego boost for us losers. Chill,fam.

Check Your Privilege: The 3 Kinds of People Who Are Ruining Your Hard Work Towards a Better World

Dear Social Justice Warriors,

This one is for you. The good, the bad, and the ugly. Similar to generations before us, we want to create a better world. In this generation, there is more acceptance of various types than ever before. The trans-rights movement is kicking off, people are starting to realize that racism is still a huge thing, and homosexuals can get married.

We’ve accomplished some cool shit.

So why, oh why, is there still so much ignorance and hatred?

Because despite the  fact that some of you are genuinely out to do good and make changes, a large group of you are going about it horrendously wrong.

I present to you the three types of SJW’s royally messing it up for everyone else, including some real life examples I have read.

1. The Social Media Screamer: this is the one who cannot for the life of them have a conversation. Where an apt SJW would take a hint of ignorance or a potentially offensive comment as a learning opportunity, the SMS will cuss you out. Instantly. In some long-winded speech, they simultaneously curse you, your dog, and blame you for some slavery or inequality moment in history you weren’t even alive for.

Examples: YOU CAN’T SAY PUSSY. THAT’S SEXIST. DO YOU HATE WOMEN!? CHECK YOUR CISGENDER CAUCASIAN PRIVILEGE BEFORE YOU POST THIS SHIT.

Ps, “pussy” comes from the word pusillanimous meaning showing lack of courage or determination, and actually doesn’t come from the slang term for vagina, because if you own a vagina, you know they’re some serious pieces of machinery, so let’s just stop pretending this is an argument, okay?

2. The Band-Wagon Bitcher: This person just wants to feel special. They don’t actually know what they’re talking about. They don’t read on or research their “cause,” they just see everyone else doing it and want to join in and look like they’re helping. They belittle those actually doing hard work in the movement because they spread false information and facts, and make the overall message seem to lack backing.

Example: Yea, feminists actually find blowjobs offensive because women have to be on their knees in front of men, and this perpetuates the patriarchy of women being inferior and basically praying to men.

I’m sorry, what?

3. The Other Side Extremists: these are the minorities who call out ALL white people. The “feminists” who call out ALL men. The LGBTQ who call out ALL straight people. Yes, some white people suck. Yes, some straight people just don’t get it. Yes, some men really ARE pigs. But that’s not all of us. Sometimes when we say something offensive, it’s genuinely because we are uneducated. These movements and their vocabulary are progressing so rapidly, and that’s great. But because of this ongoing change, those of us not in the heart of it genuinely sometimes just don’t know. 

We’re making progress, and that’s great. But it’s been slow progress because everyone’s so busy yelling at each other and having pissing contests over “who’s been through more shit” that the end-game has been lost.

So to those of you who fit the three above categories, chill. Breathe. Take a second to distinguish between someone who needs to learn, and someone who is genuinely trying to hurt you.

And for you SJWs putting in the work, research, and patience to educate and talk to those of us who maybe don’t know as much as we think we do, Thank You. Seriously.