Imagine this: you log on to Twitter. You scroll through your news feed and WAIT. STOP. Tammy’s boyfriend bought her the new Naked Palette.
And a Costco teddy bear?!?!
You turn to your own worthless, thieving boyfriend beside you. All he’s ever done is tell your you’re beautiful everyday and wipe every tear you’ve cried. Jackass.
“Get out,” you yell as you push him off the bed.
He seems confused, and in a chaos of “Babe, I don’t understand”s and “what did I do wrong?!”s, that asshat finally leaves.
Did he not think your love was worth a Naked Palette? Or at least 100 roses delivered to your office. Jeez. Gifts should be an every day part of a relationship, and if a guy isn’t giving you that, then he just isn’t worth it. Move on, girl!
Besides, if I don’t snap, tweet, and Facebook-offical my relationship, how will people ever know how happy and adorable we are and be jealous?!
Aaaaaand stop. I’m sorry. I couldn’t even write the satire anymore. I was going to throw up.
Now let me start with a disclaimer, because apparently I need to do this now, *clears throat*
THIS POST DOES NOT APPLY TO ALL PEOPLE WHOSE BOYFRIENDS BUY THEM GIFTS OR WHO POST THEM ON TWITTER OR WHO BREATH OR EXIST IN GENERAL.
There we go. Now.
In an age of social media, I feel like we’ve lost sight of what #RelationshipGoals should actually be.
And, since I apparently need to clarify this as well: I, TOO, HAVE AT TIMES BEEN IMPERFECT AND TRIED TO IMPRESS PEOPLE WITH THE ADORABLENESS OF MY RELATIONSHIP, as if my imperfectness was not already implied.
So while it is completely fine for your boyfriend or significant other to buy you gifts, and while it is alright (if not immensely cliché) to post this on social media so that other girls can be jealous and so that guy you used to hookup with but still aren’t really over can see how well your guy treats you (don’t lie, I see you), let’s keep in mind some REAL relationship goals that seem to have gotten lost behind the “wear me @ 6 tonight”s and new-contouring-kit-madness.
#RelationshipGoal he respects you. Duh.
#RelationshipGoal he isn’t afraid to say no to you–because although you may be his “princess,” you are not his ruler. You are his partner.
#RelationshipGoal he thinks you’re beautiful with or without all the expensive makeup he may or may not buy you, and reminds you of that. Even when he sees you down six tacos or an entire bag of SkinnyPop.
#RelationshipGoal he’d be a good father (if you see it being long-term).
#RelationshipGoal he has seen your flaws, accepts them, and knows how to cope with them, not coddle them (enabling isn’t good for anybody).
#RelationshipGoal he’s intellectually stimulating–because when he’s old and flabby, and so are you, all you’ll have are each other’s minds. So make sure you like that shit.
#RelationshipGoal he makes you the best version of yourself. Because anyone who makes you a worse version of yourself, though fun to party with and probably good in bed, is not someone you want for the long haul, although feel free to live a little and take that short-term.
Another disclaimer: I’m not a relationship expert, obviously. I’ve been in love with the same guy since I was 15, and still can’t seem to get it together enough to be a girl he deserves (sup, Superman), BUT he’s taught me how a girl deserves to be treated and given me more than a few reality checks. SO REMEMBER:
Money can always be made, abs can always be sculpted, jobs and futures can always be changed, but a man who will love you, be loyal to you, and adore you is born, not made. And THAT should be your real #RelationshipGoal.
(*read this in the fast voice that happens at the end of prescription drug commercials* A boy giving you gifts does not lessen the seriousness or intensity of your relationship. The message the author is trying to convey is that your relationship should be about love and respect and not about buying/doing/being things that will look good on social media. If this article somehow -impossibly- offended you, you may comment because this is America and we are free and shit, but, like, seriously?)